Hello, and happy Sunday! I have an announcement to make. (adjusts microphone). I've been writing these essays for 17 years now, but I'm not sure they're "working," so I'm making some changes. I'm excited, and I hope you are too! (Takes applause break).
Nothing happened. It's just that, creature comforts aside, I like change. Meaning, I'm not stagnant, creatively. My novels don't share genres, and I do more than write. I podcast; make films, music, and art; and I even model (Strikes an awkward pose).
But I've been told, many times, that if I want to make this my full-time job, then I need to be more focused. No one does it all. You have to find a niche, stick with it, master it, and wait. That’s how it works. Yes, it. That’s how it works.
This advice is sound, but it doesn’t sound fun. Even when I consider what it promises, it feels like a raw deal. Why would I trade doing all that I love for a tedious quest? Would I do that for money? No. For notoriety? No. For success? Ah! You got me!
But what is success? Based on those I know (and those I don’t), it’s a mental pot of gold, buried behind an impenetrable rainbow, always moving away from you at the speed you're chasing it, "plus one." It’s personal, but don’t take it personally.
Maybe success is like obscenity to the Supreme Court, and “I’ll know it when I see it.” I can only testify that I’ve been chasing it all my life, but without any luck or traction I can hold onto. And the worst part is, I did this to myself. I’m in charge of my goals.
So, what do I want? (Blinks, blinks more, then blinks even more. Palms sweat. Realizes he's getting way too personal, and the worst part is he still can't figure out the #@%ing answer to this query, the one question he's been asking the most, all his life).
(Looks back at wife for support, but she's reading a text. She's heard him practice this speech for weeks and helped him write it. Looks up, realizes he's losing the audience and tosses the cue cards, taking a moment to marvel as they flutter to the stage.)
Don’t misunderstand me. I’m happy. I have a great family, good health, and friends who care about me. So why do I yearn for success if I can’t define it, or understand why I want it? Am I impetuous, insatiable, immodest? Do I suffer from summit fever?
I don’t know the answers to any of these questions, but I do know that I spend about the same amount of time thinking about my goals as I do working towards them, and what haunts me more than anything is, “What if enough is never enough?”
Life often feels like a game. Like it’s just me, myself, and I, trying to figure out Me, Myself, and I. Anyone else feel that way? And, is that narcissism or spirituality? (Eyes cue cards, longing for "big conclusion.") (Taps microphone.) “Is this thing on?”
“Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.”
This week we feature Maddy Arthur on Coffin Talk. She is a Gen-Z food scientist, seafood expert, and survivor of suicide loss. Originally from Pennsylvania, she now splits her time between Seattle and some very remote parts of Alaska. Listen here!
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Making babies = success. Lol
Waking up = success lol
I set sights low and feel high.
Very good! Those are lots of great questions. I feel successful because I’m proud of what I have created, even if others would criticize it or say it’s not enough. I hope that helps you feel successful too.