Things We Should AktUaLlY Be Arguing About
“Bad Bunny bad!”
“NO! Bad Bunny good!”
“You’re wrong, and I’m right! Oh, and while I’m at it, America is THIS.”
“That’s dumb, and I hate you, stranger with a different opinion! America is THAT!”
Have we really run out of interesting things to talk about? And if not, why are we having these infantile, binary debates?
I don’t know the answer, but I do have the solution. It’s my list of…
Things We Should AktUaLlY Be Arguing About
What follows are my opinions on important subjects we should be discussing. If you somehow disagree (I don’t know how you could), please explain why in the comments. I even numbered them to save time. But I must warn you: I’m right and you’re wrong, cause….um, like…duh!
If you’re going to have kids, the most important thing to do is buy a tiny screwdriver and a sh*t-ton of AAA batteries. Don’t worry about diapers, swaddles or any of that that other crap total morons tell you’ll need. They’re wrong.
Having too much will power can be a weakness.
We should stop calling our pocket infotainment centers “smart phones,” because no one uses them to make calls anymore, and they’re making us dumber.
Kindness does not often have obvious, causal consequences. But being mean does.
Patience is “waiting without getting upset.” Ergo, when we’re on hold with an insurance company and no one can hear us, it doesn’t make sense to ask for our patience. They should ask for it when they tell us our claim is denied, even though we faithfully paid all our premiums on time. That is what actually boils our blood.
Instead of “pitted,” we should call olives without pits…‘olives without pits.’ And I’m not the only one confused by this. Just ask the shelled peanut community.
The thing that is actually ruining America is “contempt without analysis.”
Vegan billionaires get rich faster than normal ones because they don’t buy caviar.
Capitalism’s main failure is that it makes a “slow news day” bad for the economy.
The worst part of buying kids’ clothes isn’t the absurd fabric-amount-to-cost ratio (as upsetting as that is). It’s all the tags you have to cut off. It takes forevvvvvver!
Only the young die good looking.
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I disagree with #9 and #11 is very subjective.
What? Seriously, there is no real rule to ending a sentence with a preposition? I do it anyway but now I feel vindicated! Loved the blog and all the comments! Often I just sum up a lot of these pressing matters with "who the heck cares?" 😂😂