Happy New Year! I hope this title didn’t upset you. I’m not out to discourage new gym memberships. I just wanted to explain why we feel like we’re being punished when we run in place. It’s because treadmills are literally torture devices designed for convicts:
The penal treadmill (or everlasting staircase) used steps set into cast iron wheels to drive a shaft to mill corn, pump water, or connect to a fan for resistance. Penal treadmills were used in prisons for punishment in Britain and the U.S. (Wiki).
And this is really just my way of telling you that, as we enter another Julian year that requires a special Gregorian “leap day” every four years to cover up bad math, our society is a work-in-progress, so let’s not review the play during the second act.
I mean, we don’t mock pre-teens for looking ugly and having bad personalities, thanks to hormones and weak frontal cortexes, right? So why are we hell bent on slandering humanity right now, when we’re just acting like tweens with growing pains?
Shouldn’t we cut ourselves some slack?
And if you don’t like cutting slack (because you hate sailing and want to die stranded in an ocean?), can I send someone to hug you and tell you that all of us wake up and go to sleep without *knowing* the rules to life? Some are confident, but no one knows!
I’m serious. Not even that hot Insta influencer with the body to die for and those sharp, discerning eyes—the one who got enlightened on their four-week trip to Myanmar last summer—even they, with their 700,000 followers, even they don’t know!
Perhaps the human mystery is a mystery because humans love mysteries.
I’m not here to convince you to adopt my philosophy (“no one knows”), but I am trying to challenge yours if it’s making you angry. Because when you reverse engineer the devastating human actions that we judge (and fear), they’re all the byproducts of anger.
Angry people use violent tactics to make a point. But angry people also do more subtle acts of destruction, like refusing to listen to others who don’t share their dogma, and even worse, getting angry with people who challenge their beliefs (which are not facts).
The problem with “morality” is that there’s not a single ethic in the world that doesn’t have a loop hole. For example, everyone I respect would rob someone to feed their starving child, yet everyone I respect would also pass and enforce a law against stealing.
This is why I advocate a “hands off approach” to morality, which is not the same as the famous “I’m OK, You’re OK” approach, as even that has value-judgment built into it. I’m endorsing we do whatever it takes to stop indulging in “things that make us angry.”
And in the year 2025, this is especially hard, thanks to how legacy media and social media use “what angers us” to keep us tuned in. It’s literally their business model.
I posit that “If it bleeds it leads” has morphed into “Captivate them into captivity,” and I don’t find it ironic (or amusing) that we now feel like hostages with Stockholm Syndrome, captivated by the increasing rate and carnage of each new violent act.
Which begs me to ask, “Do you also think ‘being held captive’ is similar to running in place, a torture invented for prisoners? And if you do, does this mean we’ve been captivated into captivity by our own algorithmic, 24/7 entertainment cycles?”
I’m all for staying in shape, but I don’t think the social media/legacy media treadmill of “judging others” is doing anything to help us do that. In fact, I think these bloated, bottom-end oriented businesses are re-shaping us, and it’s not a good look.
It’s OK. There’s an age-old solution to this problem. It’s called emotional resilience.
Make a list with all the feelings you like and want more of, then make one with the ones you don’t. Now estimate how much time you spend indulging and focusing on each, and make a plan for how to intentionally focus more on the good ones.
When you hear someone say something you don’t like, have a plan for how you’re going to accept that they exist, they think that, and just like you, with your strong opinions, they have the right to both. Don’t hate these people. Understand them.
There is one catch: Having regulated emotions requires regulating your emotions.
Emotional resilience is just like diet, exercise, and other disciplined approaches to health. It takes effort, but the pay off is huge. When you get good at it, life is full of the emotions you want, and when you get visited by the ones you don’t like, just like a host with bad guests, you learn to keep cool and put up with them until they leave.
When you think about all the things you want in life, I doubt there’s anything higher on your list than “feeling good and learning how to not feel bad,” so don’t waste another New Year’s Resolution on something superficial.
Change the way you think about emotions and feelings.
You can’t change others. When ‘gurus’ tell us to change ourselves, they’re talking about emotional resilience. They’re not telling us to become more devout; they’re suggesting we change our relationship to what upsets us, until things don’t upset us.
My point is simple, but like all good points, it requires an open mind to adopt. So I’ll restate it now, in hopes it makes more sense. I’m suggesting we all stop confusing “Life feels profound” with “This means we get to judge others who don’t act like it.”
I’m suggesting we respect our sense of awe, but keep in mind this includes the awe-ful. Have faith, keep faith, and don’t lose faith. But, make sure your faith is honest. Honest faith doesn’t tell you to take sides or point fingers of blame and get upset. Honest faith is a mindset that reminds us to, “Judge not, lest ye judged.”
So Happy New Year to everyone, even those I’m struggling to love, because as much as I understand this class, it’s lessons, and my assignment, I’m still a student, just like you, so I’ve got many more years of work ahead. I hope there’s a participation grade.
Coffin Talk now offers video streams of each episode (while still releasing audio)! No pressure to make the switch, but we’re now on Substack and Youtube, if you prefer to watch interviews and see what guests look like. If you are audio only, nothing changed!
This week we feature Ellen Sickenberger, a professional dance artist. She has worked in NYC and also abroad, touring with contemporary dance companies and working as a choreographer. She now works as an arts coordinator and continues to develop her company in Phoenix Arizona, Depth Dance. Listen on all apps and right here!
Just thinking about some recent events, I can almost always take a step back from opposing opinions and keep my cool, but am I just an awful person because it feels so good when I state an honest opinion in return that makes the listener go ballistic?
Interesting fact about treadmills though. I like them because I don't have to think when I'm walking. I would have made a great hamster! 😂😂😂