An acquaintance of mine was in a car wreck last week and the paramedics had to cut the door to get him out. He wasn’t badly hurt, but as he left the ER, he was told, “You’re lucky you wore a seatbelt. We see a lot of similar accidents where the driver didn’t wear one, and they never make it out alive.”
Two parts of this tale struck me as odd: 1. What idiot doesn’t wear a seatbelt in 2024? and 2. If you wear one and it works, isn’t that the opposite of luck? It seems like a combination of prudence and foresight.
Either way, in my re-telling of this tale, I have discovered a disturbing omission in our ever-growing English language: There is no official word or phrase to describe what the doctor really meant to say.
We need a word for situations wherein prudence and foresight pay off, and also for when both are ignored, and the result is a tragic, yet undeniably obvious and predictable outcome.
Before I solve another controversy that, apparently, no one else has noticed or fixed, let’s first clean up the awful mess that a notorious Canadian created with her hit “Ironic” in the year of our Lord 1996:
Irony is not a situation in which something didn’t turn out the way you wanted or expected.
When that occurs, it’s called sour grapes, and if you like that sort of bullsh**, study toddlers, or Congress.
Irony is subtle. It has nothing in common with the whiny drivel Alanis, QAnon, and TDSers eschew.
Irony, is “A state or event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects, and is often amusing.”
Make sense? Good. We only have one more definition to review: Luck.
Luck, is “An event or circumstance that operates for or against an individual.”
So, to be clear, it is not ironic if you don’t want to date a blond but you fall in love with one and date them. However, it is ironic if you don’t date them because you think blondes cheat, so you instead date a brunette, because you think they don’t cheat, and they cheat on you relentlessly, with another brunette.
That is ironic because it’s a) unintended, b) unexpected, and c) amusing (at least to others).
Of course, anyone could say that both are just examples of good or bad luck…But, what no one could say, is that you’re “lucky” if you didn’t date either, because you wanted to avoid a potential heartbreak, and then you die alone, un-heartbroken. That, much like having a seatbelt work, is an example of….
WAIT (and ARGHHH)! We’re back at square one! There is no word for this!
Or is there….?
That’s right! It’s your lucky, unironic day, because the same (not-)genius mind that brought you life-changing concepts like “LIR” (Lazy Internet Research), The Egg Shelf Diet, and Gangrenous Compassion has coined a new word for our post-post-modern culture:
Deservalism!
Deservalism (noun) is, “A situation one hoped would not occur, but is easily traceable to one or more previous decisions that, even in real time, were clearly enhancing the odds and opportunity for the current (fortunate or unfortunate) situation to arise.”
In case you’re still a little confused: Here are several completely fictitious examples of deservalism:
You diet all week, then decide you can “live a little” on the last night with a tremendously caloric “cheat night.” Then, the next day, you step on the scale and it says you’ve gained weight that week! You, my poor, totally-not-me, imaginary friend, have just experienced Deservalism.
You get 13 speeding tickets in 12 states in one year and vow to obey the law, but it’s BORING, so you buy a radar detector and continue to blaze trails from NYC to Chicago, only to get nabbed in Ohio where you get two fines: one for speed, and one for use of radar. Bad luck? No! #Deservalism
You vow to achieve fluency in Thai and become the first ‘farang’ to pen a Thai novel, so you get up at 4am every day to study. Two years in, you’ve made progress, but it’s slow so you “take a break” and never write the book. You are not the victim of tragedy, irony, or bad luck. It’s Deservalism.
The Rule of Threes says to stop here, but I’m compelled to add the most obvious example of all:
You keep voting for ‘the lesser of two evils,’ until one day, ‘the lesser of two’ is someone you can’t tolerate, and you know deep down that this is the result of avoidable, cookie-cutter deservalism.
It’s never too late to make adjustments in our lives. All of us have the power to control the way we conduct ourselves, make decisions, and fulfill promises. No matter how bad our track record may be, the future is wide open. Don’t wait for others. It’s always a good time to review your path of deservalism.
Dean Graves is a spiritual teacher and author with over two decades of experience in meditation and mindfulness instruction. He has conducted numerous workshops and group sessions on self-healing and personal growth, guiding many individuals on their journeys toward greater self-awareness and enlightenment. He also produces an internationally successful spirituality podcast. Listen here.
Very interesting--so on this Father's day when I celebrate having two great sons and 2 great daughters (in law) is that deservalism?
Great article!! I love this one!